Back Again: The Rebirth of Collective Thoughts

Like a Phoenix from the Ashes.

I know nobody has visited this blog for a year, probably, but thats okay. If I write, they will come. At least thats what I'll tell myself.

I have been listening to this unbearably catchy song I discovered the other day. It seems whenever I find a new song I like, I have a hard time leaving it alone, and thats how its been with this one. Its on loop pretty much.

Celebrity Antics

I may have the world's craziest Spanish teacher. I'm serious. He is the father of a world famous musician. He has stories about anything and everything. He swears sometimes in class. It is like going to the circus every Monday and Wednesday from 4:00 - 5:20.

Today he inadvertently led me to a great internet gem.

He was just off on one of his usual tangents. "My son in law is a genius. He writes plays. He is a genius." So he tells us to check out the guy's blog. I did... and stumbled upon hours of fun and enjoyment.

You see, the son-in-law had a link to myheritage.com. On the my heritage.com website you can upload a picture of yourself. This picture will then be sent through some computer in some place and the computer will look at it, and then it will tell you which world celebrities you look most like.

Oh joy. Let's give it a shot.

Picture number 1:

I figured that this would be a good picture. It is one of only 2 known pictures of me that are actually good. The other is in a secret file somewhere in the depths of the CIA headquarters archives.

So I submitted the picture to myheritage.com. The website then sent me back a list of individuals who's pictures supposedly matched mine, along with a percentage of how close a match it was.

Let's see what they came up with.


Julianne Moore (55%)
Emma Watson (51%)

Emma Watson, eh? She is pretty cute. But also a girl. What else we got here...

Grace Kelly (50%)
Mariah Carey (48%)

Okay... still no guys. This is a little discouraging.

Katie Holmes (44%)

At least I look like attractive girls, right? Is that a good thing?

Patrick Stewart (44%)
Gilbert Becaud (43%)

Ah sweet. Finally some men. But Patrick Stewart? Is that really any better. And Gilbert Becaud? Who is that. Turns out he is a French singer. Not better.

Orlando Bloom (41%)

The Light at the End of the Tunnel! Famous. Good-looking. Now we are getting somewhere. But only 41%. I'm sure we can do better than that. I just need a better picture.

Picture number 2:

I hate this picture. Hate it.

But honestly, we have to do better than Captain Picard from Star Trek. That is just sick. This could be the picture that does the trick... just maybe...

Barbara Stanwyck (59%)

We are off to a bad start. Wikipedia says "Barbara Stanwyck (July 16, 1907 – January 20, 1990) was an American film and television actress." Another chick. Great. But it gets even better. "Stanwyck was rumoured to have been a lesbian, and to have gone to great length to protect her privacy." Well... I do like girls... And yes, wikipedia does have a link to "lesbian".

Let's continue.

Demi Moore (59%)
Emma Watson (59%)

There she is again. That crazy Hermione. But now it is a 59% match. I actually look more like a woman in this picture.

Priyanka Chopra (45%)
Cate Blanchett (43%)

More actresses. Priyanka Chopra stars in movies in India. I'm international even. Internationally HOT!

Tom Cruise (41%)

Lucky number 6 again. But Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise? That is kind of weird. Maybe if they have a kid, he will look 85% like me.

Rani Mukherjee (41%)
Maria Sharapova (40%)

Two more international hotties. One of them... gasp... an Indian actress? I didn't even know they had actresses in India, much less hot ones that look like me.

Well... that didn't quite get me what I was hoping for. Third time is the charm?

Picture number 3:

Okay, so remember how there are in existence 2 good pictures of myself? This isn't the other one. But it has the long hair flavor, I decided to give it a try.

Maybe I need to be less hot in order to get this to work right anyways. Yeah, I'll bet that is what is throwing it off. I've been using pictures that were too hot.

Turns out this was the weirdest bunch of all.

Iris Chang (59%)

Well this is just plain bizarre. Turns out she is a writer who commited suicide two years ago.

Sting (55%)

Not bad, not bad. I've always wanted to be a rockstar.

Simone de Beauvoir (52%)
Lise Meitner (51%)

An Austrian physicst and a French author.

Cary Grant (51%)

Ha ha! I think the curse has been broken. I look like Cary Grant? Can't argue with that. But it wasn't to be...

Elisha Cuthbert (45%)

Yes folks, that's right. You may know her from the popular television series 24 or such films as The Girl Next Door (I'm hoping you don't know her from that). This pretty much decides it. I am hot. There is no turning back. The last two results are pretty much inconsequential after that.

Ian Curtis (43%)
Bette Davis (43%)

And that is that folks.

I would love for everyone to give it a try themselves. Here is the link to the face recognition page. If you do go ahead and do it, go ahead and post a comment with your results in it, so everyone can join in the fun.

Wasting Christmas Break

Won't mention any names, but somebody who writes on this bLoG has been wasting quite a bit of the Christmas break watching movies. It is a terrible way to squander time, this person really should be doing something productive. But anyway...to cut the nonsense, this person is me, and here is my movie reviews, in the order that I watched them.

Project Grizzly
My first exposure to this interesting Canadian Grizzly fanatic was a few years back while watching Real TV. They had a clip of a man in Canada who had this strange thing about getting close to a Grizzly bear, so he built a bear-proof suit. An enormous kevlar and steel bear-proof suit. And to test the suit, he put in on and subjected himself to things that would normally kill a man. He was hit by a car, thrown over a cliff, crushed by a falling tree, and beaten by a gang of bikers armed with baseball bats and sledghammers. Project grizzly is about this mans journey.
Well, journey is rather the exageration, seeing as they never really stray far from thier northern Ontario home. But MAN, these guys are Crazy and Canadian and Funny because they are trying to be serious. The focus of the film is a bit vulgar and quite the showman. I'd recommend it to anybody who enjoyed Trekkies, the documentary about Star Trek Fanatics. Same concept, showcase the self made freakshow.
Incidentally, my brother in law pointed out that the Simpsons did a full parody of this mand and his bear suit, in episode #318, The Fat and the Furriest

The Island
I liked it. I recently wrote a (bad) paper about embryonic stem cell research and cloning, and The Island deals with this head on. The concept is great for sci-fi, just the kind of thing that opens up the way to some really stimulating questions. It also opens up the way to a whole lot of Hollywood action, and with a high-budget movie, its that action part that usually wins out and comes across stronger. Cool action flick, pretty stylized. They could have done more with it so far as the story goes, but all in all they did pretty well.

The Fantastic Four
It was okay. Movies like this will never make my favorites list, not because they don't accomplish what they set out to do, but because what they set out to do isn't really my thing. Fantastic Four was a pretty run-o-the-mill superhero flick. Not that I don't like superhero movies, I do, its just that ther was nothing to set this one apart. Pretty predictable, but if you want 106 minutes of easy entertainment...

King Kong

As long as I am on my Movie-Review-Rampage, I'll just continue on with King Kong. The movie was a special effects tour de force, but as we have seen demonstrated, Peter Jackson is a fan of the longer rather than shorter film. King Kong could have been 2 hours just as easier, nay, easier, than it could three, but three it was. Every scene was about %50 as long again as it needed to be. I found myself saying in even the best scenes, "Okay, we get the point. We can all move on now." I will use this opportunity to voice my hypocritical opinion that brevity is almost always a virtue.

"It doesn't end unless you play."

In a recent late night conversation with a friend, I stumbled across a beautiful gem of knowledge. (It seems that my greatest insight tends to come when I am least in control of my faculties.)

We were both commented on the ridiculous nature of the dating game, and how we wished it could be avoided. I mean, imagine it?! What if you could just tell someone you liked them, and they would either say, "Oh, I like you too." or "No, not really." Then you could just be like, "Oh, cool." and then you could move things in the right direction, be it towards or away.

But instead...

• You have to try and use subtle tactics. That way you don't expose yourself to the enemy.
• You are prohibited from saying what you are actually thinking. If you were to do this, you would automatically be considered "weird" and you may be relegated to "undateable" status.
• Mind games.
• Doubt.

It is all just so miserable.

However, there are a couple of problems with the idea of not playing the game. For one, everyone would have to stop playing it. If half are playing, and half aren't, it would cause an even bigger mess. This is when I had my epiphany.


JUMANJI

My mind jumped immediately to the movie Jumanji staring Robin Williams. It seems that my subconscious had already drawn the connection between the two evil games. You see, in both of them the only way the game will ever end is if you keep playing till you reach the finish.

There is no quitting.

the Chronic..WHAT?

This is...funny. I love comedy.
I recently saw the Chronicles of Narnia, The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. What an awesome story. Really, just a great tale. I was especially pleased that they kept all of the Christian symbolism intact, although I'm not sure how they would have extracted it, being at the heart of the story and all. The special effects and the style of the film were on and off. Some of the blue screen effects were just bad. First thing I thought when I saw them was that me and my roommates could do just as good, i.e., poor. But by in large the digital effects were excellent. However, I don't think we are at the point yet where it is all seemless. Honest, as great as the all-digital characters are, I feel like a good makeup and costume job are almost always superior.
A couple noted exception to this: Golum and King Kong.
Side note: somebody who went and saw the movie with us (you know who you are!) didn't get the symbolism of it. And it wasn't for any lack of being sufficiently indoctrinated. I actually found myself getting upset when he was making fun of the story, because for me, that story is about a whole lot more than a magical closet and talking animals.

Serenity

I saw Serenity last night. It is the full length feature film by Joss Whedon, the creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. Wow, that makes it sound unappealing. This one is based off of his short series Firefly. But it got good reviews, so I went and saw for myself. My one setance review:

"Wing Commander" meets "Resident Evil".

Primary ingredients: zombies, spaceships, girls, cowboys, and the man gettin' all in thier face. All the hallmarks of a mindless manfilm. Sorry, ladies, you might want to sit this one out.